[ Shed Off Station / 解脫 ]
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
HAIZ... itz me again..... sorry to alwaes start of wif my cliche "haiz..." but den... wheneva i log into here.... it realli is "HAIZ...." to me... it all juz complaints or sad thoughts for me when i come in here and "trash things out wif moiself"
oh no irritating customers coming in and out... can they like so stop coming in and bother me? haiyoh... get lost manz~ i hate moi life now... so much misery and so much worries.... i'm looking old, sad and frustrated all the time.... or shd i sae i look more constipated wif so much feeelings stuck inside of me.... oh mi god... shd i get emotional diarrhoea to get everything out? will that eva help instead? haiyoh... can i eva stop all this nonsense... will i eva enter a happie entrie for as long as i stay on this earth? seems like tho it will neva happen.....
d-day is so wonderful to me.... seems like it will be the end of everything and the end of all elze misery...... misery, misery, misery..... so much of it flooding ppl's life all the time, every second every minute every hour every dae every month every year every light year.... ok think i gone too far liaoz.... haiyoh... so much so long and soooooooooooooo unstoppable..................... my god.... how can this alwaes be happening.... i've stoppped for the time being... will be back later to fill in later....
ok i'm back.... seems like i'm cheered up abit but den still feeling extremeli low... but den haiz.... i can see some light within the darkness but so meagre/tiny/little is the light that itz almost non-noticeable.... haiz... least there's light rather den theres no light.... haiz... haiz.. haiz.... y muz there be blows after blows after blows to beat me down down down down to the deepest of all miseries.... no rope cld reach........ me..... haiz.... so jialat.... i'm like in a abyss of darkness.... in a room wifout window nor lights.... in an enclosed cell where nobodi can reach..... in a vacuum whr no cries nor pleads cld be heard.... haiz.... oh mi god.... ooops... =X i forgot... theres no god existing in a vacuum who is able to answer to me... haiz haiz haiz.... will i be drained of life force or will i be killed in an instant? a slow death wld seem painful and torturing... for anyone but den one can realli see flashes of all the chance misses in life, all the brain cells working overtime to make u remember everything in life, go tru a short history lessons.... let u feel and see ur life tru a 3rd person view.... all of these are soooooooooooooo miserably disturbing.... oh mi god... oh mi god... oh mi god....
a quick death alwaes seems betta den dying miserabli slow..... quick death, everything will end v quickli "short and sweet" i shd sae.... draggy draggy draggy is neva the wae to go....think everyone will enjoy a quick death, bullet tru the skull or heart, fall from great height, or get run down by a moving vehicle.... death is so wonderful... if onli one cld experience death more den once den one can tell others how it realli feels and wat it is like awae from life. being close to death is more of an adrenaline rush rather den an experience of death itself.... if onli i cld be the 1st person to ever pen down how death is like... and that it not be imagined at all.... hw can anything beat the real thing ppl alwaes sae...
ok ok think i talk enuff abt death le... i will end here and go find the answer to my questions, find y i feel so extremeli low todae... find out if things can be changed, if ppl can be changed or is it that to accomodate is the onli wae to go in life... if we are to be accomodating to others all our life, wldn't there be so much chaos... coz evero minute every second u hafta adjust to other ppl.... haiz... so miserable is life.... ok ok i'll go on and on foreva... muz stop here liaoz...
bye bye blog... bye bye everyone.... bye bye.... last bye bye le...
遗忘记录史 3:32 PM
